I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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