The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize