My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love having hate sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
