new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
