thus making me awesome and them whores
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think my moral compass just broke
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
