They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
