Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
