dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
