Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
