My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
