So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
