I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
