I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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