So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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