did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
