how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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