I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We need a shit load of segways right now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
