Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my shit smells like andre
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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