conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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