sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
