He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My feet surprised me
Randomize
