My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
