when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
