When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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