it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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