I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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