Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
