i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
