The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
