Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
