im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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