Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
