Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to make out with him forever
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
