Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
