going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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