When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
