She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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