so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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