i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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