Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
