When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
