it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
