Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
