i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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