i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
