Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
