I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
