I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
