He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
