Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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