My cat gives me a boner
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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