Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
