boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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