i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
