At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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