anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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