I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
