When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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