Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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