I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
