I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ate ashes out of my bong
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
