so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
