dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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