So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
