fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
