I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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