The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
