You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
PANTIES FOUND
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
