I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
